I don't really have a problem with putting it up on a super-connected website of mine

like Facebook or Tumblr, because I've honestly come to terms with everything that's happened and I've come clean over the shit that went down. But it's not stuff that just has to do with me, and nothing justifies pulling up these things for other people who haven't or will never reach that point. I did get tagged, and I do want to fill it in, and I do know that this is still a public forum, but at least it's not one where it'll end up being flooded by discerning, gossip-mongering eyes.

Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 100 Truths about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. Then delete my answers.

What was your...

1. Last beverage: water

2. Last phone call: mom

3. Last text message: Chrissy

4. Last song you listened to: Cho Chang / VPM

5. Last time you cried: yesterday morning when I woke up; I tear up when I yawn

6. Got back with someone you've broken up with? yeah

7. Been cheated on? probably

8. Kissed someone and regretted it? yep

9. Lost someone special? yeah

10. Been depressed? yeah

11. Been drunk and threw up? nope

List 3 favorite colors:

12. night sky blue

13. emerald green

14. deep violet

This year, have you...

15. Made a new friend: yeaaaah

16. Fallen out of love: ..yeah, actually. weird, thinking that it was only earlier this year.

17. Laughed until you cried: don't think so

18. Met someone who changed you: yes

19. Found out who your true friends were: I haven't been blindsighted on that for a while, now

20. Found out someone was talking about you: probably at some point. not in a bad way though

21. Kissed anyone on your Facebook friend's list: yes

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life? everyone but say..5

23. How many kids do you want? 0-3

24. Do you have any pets? not atm, no

25. Do you want to change your name? nopeeeee

26. What did you do for your last birthday? got the prom date okay after a WEEK+ of waiting, and bought a big DQ cake. and ate it.

27. What time did you wake up today? 1pmish?

28. What were you doing at midnight last night? probably tumblr

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: COLLEGE.

30. Last time you saw your mother: right before I just came upstairs

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? lose the apathy

32. What are you listening to right now? typing

[What happened to #33?]

34. Who is getting on your nerves now? nobody

35. Most visited webpage: tie between facebook and tumblr

36. Your real name: Harry Potter

37. Nicknames: Jen, Jen Jen, Jen Wang, JW, Little J, Jenny, Little Asian, Asian, J Wang, Wangydang..it goes on for a while.

[What happened to #38?]

39. Zodiac sign: aries

40. Male or female? female

41. Elementary school: Barnes, Reedy Creek, Wildwood Forest, Powell, Brassfield

42. Middle school: Larson

43. High school/college: Athens, Shakopee

44. Hair color: nearly black, aka supersuperduper dark brown

45. Long or short: long

46. Height: 4'9"

47. Do you have a crush on someone? nah

48: What do you like about yourself? I enjoy my train of thought.

49. Piercings: none

[What happened to #50?]

51. Righty or lefty: right

Firsts...

52. Surgery: i think i had surgery when i broke my arm when i was three.

53. Piercing: nothing

54. Best friend: Daphne Chen

55. Sport you joined: swim

56. Vacation: Taiwan shortly after i was born

57. Pair of trainers: ?

Right now...

58. Eating: nothing, but i just had some of the oreo icebox i made with Chrissy

59. Drinking: water

60. I'm about to: go study for my vertebrae anatomy test

61. Listening to: more typing

62. Waiting for: nothing. I don't have time to spend on waiting for anything.

63. I'm feeling: fat. to be honest.

Your future...

64. Want kids? dunno. we'll see.

65. Get married? we'll see.

66. Career: teach

67. Lips or eyes? ..perhaps eyes

68. Hugs or kisses? both

69. Shorter or taller? taller. that won't be hard.

70. Older or younger? probably older

71. Romantic or spontaneous? both :D

72. Nice stomach or nice arms? bothhh

73. Sensitive or loud? both

74. Hook-up or relationship? relationship

Have you...

75. Kissed a stranger: nope

76. Drank hard Liquor: nope

77. Lost glasses/contacts: yeaaaah

78. Sex on first date: nope. nope nope nope. not happenin.

79. Broken someone's heart: doubt it

80. Been arrested: no

81. Turned someone down: yeah

82. Cried when someone died: yes

83. Fallen for a friend: yeah

Do you believe in...

84. Yourself: pretty much always

85. Love at first sight: notrly

86. Heaven: no

87. Santa Clause: at some point in time

88. Kiss on the first date: depends

89. Angels: no

90. God: NO.

Answer truthfully...

91. Ever had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time? pffff no.

92. Did you sing today? yeah, a LOT.

93. Did something illegal? at some point, i'm sure

94. If you could go back in time, how far would you go? not sure. elem, maybe

95. The moment you would choose to relive: shopping at oakland with fai

96. Are you afraid of falling in love? no

97. When was the last time you lied? i don't even know

98. Are you usually late, early, or right on time? late and on time more often than early. i'd be earlier more often if i HAD A CAR TO DRIVE.

99. Would you give your life to save someone else's? it's honestly gonna depend on the life. if it's a stranger or a friend, most likely yes. if it's someone i dislike..depends on how much i respect you.

100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 Truths? no...o_O don't see a reason to be. that's not even this blogpost title though.

sometimes

the people who matter you take for granted
and the people you spend the most effort on are the ones you won't remember

so so..

school is such a bum.
and sometimes, food can be too. we went to dinner at Famous Dave's during our overnight speech trip, and..mmmm...I have incredibly high standards set for corn muffins now. and root beer. which kinda sucks because I'm a total sucker for the taste of root beer, and if I'm not satisfied with root beer, the world is kind of unsatisfying in general. xD

well, what's new. I've been drenched in homework for the past week. my pre-calc grade has sunk downwards to the (non-Asian) failing point. I made the cast of the spring play. and I'm hungry. I gave up being vegetarian after 9 months because of frickin hunger.
so...I'm allergic to a lot of stuff, and among this list of stuff is soy. soy milk, soy beans, and tofu is all off the list of my vegetarian diet. a vegetarian without soy options typically makes for a pretty darn hungry vegetarian. I was actually totally fine for the first 9 months. but somehow (I won't say it's deliberate, because I don't see why it would be) my mother's cooking has confined itself to dishes all including something that I'm allergic to. most of these all include soy, which is understandable since my mom is vegetarian. But that means there's not a lot of stuff I can eat at the dinner table, and the food I can eat isn't all that appealing to me. Eating an entire meal of one dish isn't all that appetizing, so I can't make myself eat a full meal's worth, and my stomach stays unsatisfied.

I want..a corn muffin. Any corn muffin.

I feel really..

weird. different. solid. melting.
nothing like the person I was 9 months ago living in Troy. nothing like who I was even last month, last week. there's something bitter on the inside that's pushed away what used to matter to me, and drawn me towards the very fears I used to hold. trust me, I won't go on drugs, and I'm not going to be an alcoholic, although I won't deny that sometimes I feel like I could really use a cigarette.
I never used to get stressed out. Or maybe I just had nothing to get stressed out over..but it's not like I do now! I was so chill as a kid. My parents would get pissed off and start yelling and I'd just sit there. take it. and when the climax was done with and the resolution getting a bit too drawn out, I'd always ask "are you done yet?" + something silly like "I still have homework."
But my parents don't fight as much anymore. Every night has been reduced to maybe one or two times per month. I never even thought about it as a kid, just kind of took it as a way of life. I was always the toughie in middle school, in a kind of messed up way. I cried over the little things but not the big, because I was adapted for crisis.
Not anymore. Pretty much anything pisses me off now. PMS?xD but even so, I've never been like this before..not so consistently, typically, pissed. Is that just human nature? Usually I'm either really high, really low, or just content. Not like this. Never like this.
Last night just pissed me off. Today just pissed me off. In my final speech round today, while everyone was performing, all I could think about was how frickin sucky my life typically is. But then I remembered..the spring play. The atmosphere in that room for the meeting about it. It was so comfy, and accepting, and..just downright unifying being with some of my closer friends planning to work together for such a massive team effort. And heartwarming. mm.
That's another thing..the whole 'spring play' thing, auditions, and like..really publicly exploiting that sort of talent just FREAKS me out. a LOT. which makes me want to do it all the more.o-o

Anyways, I got an awesome looking trophy at today's speech meet!
Like, seriously, I'm not bragging about place, I guess I'm glad I placed. this is the first meet where I guess the placing was actually accurate..there was effing construction in the next room(drilling. very frickin loud drilling) going on during my final round, so absolutely nobody was listening to me, and I was just trying really hard to finish without cracking up.
But like, who ever sees TIGER trophies? HUH? HUH? :D My mom's not gonna be happy when I bring it home though....she hates tigers..

peace out girlscout<3.

Emily Dickinson is officially my favorite poet.

GAWD I'M SUCH A NERD. But after this poetry unit and doing poetry for Speech(not to mention that my English teacher this semester is absolutely AMAZING), I've developed a huge respect for poetry. Before, I only saw words. Now, I just get caught up in the beauty of the words, and how easily they can shape into the mold of your life. Emily Dickinson's writing always seemed so abstract and senseless, but then...if you actually analyze it, its amazing. I crammed a 3 page essay today after school in two hours on analyzing a poem of hers. It was incredibly stressful, and I'm pretty sure I failed, but it was still eye-opening. [Anonymous] was right, poetry does qualify as one of those things that makes sense when it seems like almost nothing else does.

When Libby was talking about her fashion history class up at U of M, she mentioned how every style was inspired by something. Everything has to come from somewhere, has to have some sort of motivation. It's comforting to know that music and poetry, two incredibly intimate things, came from somewhere with enough heart and raw emotion to produce such incredible, moving work.


We all have skills, we all have talent. We all have tools. But it's what you do with what you've got that makes all the difference.

I resolve to get all As this semester. No more apathy! :)
^---dude, I really hope this works.